You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Did I show you my penis last night?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
