Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize