Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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