Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
