I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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