I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
