pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
