Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize