It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
