I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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