my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
