I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
