Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
