Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
