i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
