By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
