Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
