i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
