I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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