he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
