Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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