We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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