I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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