i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
how drunk are you?
Several
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
