I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
