I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
