Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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