You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
