You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
