did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
