Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize