So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Vodka?
Forever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize
