I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
