after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
