apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
