This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
