Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
