I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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