Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
