you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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