We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
