No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i came on her dog
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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