sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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