Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
