yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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