Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
