I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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