I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
