I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
