He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
