I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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