I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
