I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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