She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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