omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh god it's open bar.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
