He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
50% drunk capacity currently
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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