ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
