giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
