A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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