is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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