Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sext me about skeletons
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
