just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
