dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize