big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
