if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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