I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
