wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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