A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
