Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
