I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
