Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
