So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
