u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
