First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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