just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize